I was was returning something at my local supermarket the other day and a woman in front of me was returning a disposable braai. Since is has already been opened, the assistant asked why she was returning it, upon which she replied, ‘Well… there’s no meat in it!’
The assistant calmly explained that the disposable braai was simply to braai the food and it did not actually include any meat.
Before she could turn to leave, the assistant checked the receipt and sarcasticly asked: “I see there are 3 braais on here, aren’t you returning the other two as well?”
“I can’t…”, said the lady, “they are at home in the freezer”.
Every Friday evening after work old Van der Merwe would have a huge braai. But his neighbours, being old-school Catholics were reluctant to eat meat on Fridays, and suffered agonies of temptation as the delicious aroma carried over.
They persuaded their priest to try to convert Van. The priest makes a breakthrough and eventually, Van attends Mass. The priest sprinkles holy water over him and says, “You were born a Protestant, raised a Protestant but now you are a Catholic.”
Everyone was delighted.
But when next Friday night came along, the aroma of grilled steak again wafted over the neighbourhood. The neighbours called the priest who rushed on over just in time to see him hovering over the meat and chanting, “You was born a cow, you was raised as a cow, but now you is a snoek!”
If you ever meet me around a fire, you may hear me ask “Wat is lekkerder as Braai?” To which the correct answer is “Rond Braai!”. However, there are a few other guys out there with equally cool braai quotes.
The first would have to be Adam himself: “Spare rib anyone?”, and even the good Mother Theresa felt she needed to weigh-in: “Braaing is a net of love by which you can catch souls.”
And William Shakespeare getting all philosophical on us: “It is better to have burnt and lost, than never to have braaied at all”.
Then David Brinkley, gives us some advice when “life throws you a lemon” so to speak: “A successful man is one who can build a braai with the bricks others have thrown at him.”.
Afraid of Trying? George Edward Woodberry has some advice: “Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have braaied is the true failure”.
On the topic of trying: “Good braaing comes from experience, and experience, well, that comes from poor braaing” – Cousin Woodman.
Something to think about: “I braai, therefore I am” – Rene Descartes.
The theory of relativity was nothing compared to what Einstein says here: “Learn from yesterday’s braai, live for today’s braai, hope for tomorrow’s braai. The important thing is not to stop questioning why people would boil ribs”.
Ah, but of course: “Braaing is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions” – Woody Allen.
Who would care to question one of the biggest gangsters of all time? “You can get more with a kind word and a braai than you can with a kind word alone” – Al Capone.
“There are three great friends: an old wife, an old dog, and ready braai”… and that comes from one of the US founding fathers, Benjamin Franklin.
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within our braai” – Ralphn Waldo Emerson.
Voltaire must have known I’d be coming: “If braaing did not exist, it would be necessary to invent it”.
“Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t yet arrived. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be braaing in it.”, said Groucho Marx.
And Buddha? This is what he had to say: “A braai that is developed and put into action is more important than a braai that exists only as an idea.”
and Buddha leaves us with this too: “Even death is not to be feared by one who has braaied wisely.”.